I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
