Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
