I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
