so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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