my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize