If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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