Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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