i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
