Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
