he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize