4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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