I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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