He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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