im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
