IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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