his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
