it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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