I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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