im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
