20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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