sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
don't judge my taste in strippers
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
