Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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