you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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