My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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