Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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