it was like eating out sand paper
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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