Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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