Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
