i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
