That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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