Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
