Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
