we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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