Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
