Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
