I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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