I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Rumble strips road head = magical
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
