You're so nebulous sometimes
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
