if only i could text you this smell
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Mom said you looked used
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
