My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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