She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
