This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
