I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He shit in the fireplace
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
