My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
