I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
