Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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