Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
