DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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