sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We need to get me chipped asap
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
