I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
