why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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