Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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