I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Soap is not a condiment
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
