The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
