So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
