Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
