I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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