Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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