I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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