I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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