You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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