So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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