I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
