i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
