i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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