We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
