She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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