So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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