I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
