I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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