I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
