Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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