dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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