Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
