do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
