I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
